so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize