he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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