worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
