i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
