This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i drank out of a bidet.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
my liver is dry heaving
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
