im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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