Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
