i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
