grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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