I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
