nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize