Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
