is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
