well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
