I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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