apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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