the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
