just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize