Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
