Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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