Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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