It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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