dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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