Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
