Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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