he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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