I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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