I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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