We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
