He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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