there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Randomize
