Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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