OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I checked into jail on foursquare
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
