Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
