What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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