i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
