so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
