Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
