if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
only you would photoshop your dick
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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