Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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