I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The adults are the big ones right?
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