we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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