A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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