Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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