it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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