i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
