found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
