Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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