even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
