Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
