Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
