The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
