i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
