Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
