I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
