I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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