Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
