I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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