Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
