4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
