I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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