i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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