god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
