The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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