My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
